To Be.

What is there to say? Eventually I run out out of words, not because I am empty but because I am so full that nothing comes close to describing it.

These past days have been just so. So full, yet they fly by at a rate that surprises me. I do sometimes wish to regain that childhood focus on the now that makes the days seem so much longer. It's tough when you pick up so many balls to juggle because then you end up simply focusing on keeping them in the air. However, I am thrilled by this dance, thrilled by what I've picked up and thrown blindly into the air, hoping desperately to make the catch.

I have been confronted recently with the sheer irrationality of my faith. It's a little disturbing because questions have been asked that I cannot answer. Faith in something (anything) you can't prove may be ridiculous but I don't want to let go... I've worked too hard to get to this point to turn and walk away. It occurs to me also that answers come not on my time, but when they are meant to.

(Once again, dear Mr. Rilke has the perfect words)

Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

-Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

I feel that it might be slightly repetitive of me to quote that great man once again, but he expresses things in such a unique way that I can't find anyone else more appropriate.

The only thing I have left to say is that I am quite genuinely happy; the happiest I have been in some time. To be is very, very powerful and I hope I never lose sight of that.