Vacation

It fascinates me how memories can layer over a place, so that when you look at it you see not only the present, but so many other past moments that have built up over time and memory. Every summer when I return to my grandparents house it's that way - the same at their cottage by the lake, where so many summer weekends have been spent over the years. The cottage is especially strong that way, even though I only go there perhaps once a year. However, each time I go back it is miraculously unchanged: the place where time stands still. Memories have built up in that cottage, with it's thin walls, creaky floors, musty furniture, and leaky shower. I love that place inordinately, and golden memories of staying up late on the porch, going on long boat rides, and swimming in the lake with the sunshine pushing down on you like a living thing are all in front of my eyes when I go back there. I did all those same things this past weekend, added a few fresh memories; such as swimming in a freezing pool at ten o'clock at night, coloring and calling each other names, watching my grandparent's toy poodle swim frantically about in her life jacket, and watching two drunk men stumble out of the family restaurant laughing hysterically.
All in all, a marvelous weekend.

I am now dead tired from all that swimming and boating and long walks around the lake. When I am tired enough, and when I slow down enough, something cracks my shell of distraction. Suddenly, everything around me from the water, to the fireflies, to the young boys loitering on their bikes in the gas station parking lot, to the sun setting over the highway... it all seems achingly, heart-stoppingly beautiful. I am feeling the split in my heart that I mentioned earlier very painfully, I have to admit, but even that seems beautiful to me now. I love my family so dearly, and these precious, short times we get. I feel a little melancholy whenever we leave the lake, and close up the cottage. It feels like more than it is, it feels like the evanescence of our days all packed up into one small ritual: cover the furniture, clear out the fridge, lock the doors and windows. The weekend is over.

Better to have had it than not, though. I will always believe that.

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My vacation here is going well. Soon I will be in Cleveland, with that half of the family. And more good news: I lucky enough to visit Chicago again soon. I am most delighted. Updates will come as I am able to post them.