Missing You

He has come and he has gone again. The past few days have been overwhelming and wonderful; my boyfriend of nearly two years (our anniversary is this month, in fact) came to visit me here in London. He came from Germany, where he is studying abroad for the semester and stayed for four blissful days. It was magical visit, from stumbling into Sunday morning service at St Paul's Cathedral together, to eating lunch in China Town, to buying tea at Twinings (still in the original location from the 18th century). We said goodbye this morning at 4am on a cold street corner next to a bus stop.

Over his visit, we had many long conversations about topics that just can't be covered over the phone, and I realized that those conversations are perhaps what I miss the most. This trip has made me think a lot about what it means to share your life with someone. Back home, we share a city, we share friends, we share our days, our joys and our frustrations (even when we were deeply frustrated with each other, as we sometimes are). I didn't think much of it until we came to Europe, where we have such different and separate lives. I miss that kind of being together; at the same time I am savoring my independence and the experience of something so totally new. I am grateful and happy that we are where we are, grateful we can share even part of this experience with each other. I also cried bitterly off and on all day today because every time it gets harder to say goodbye.

It's all very mixed up... I am full of so many different emotions. I suppose this experience would not be what it is without that. I was quite touched when, in the middle of his visit, David told me that after seeing the city he can tell that London is where I need to be. I smiled when he said it because I know he is right, and I am grateful that he can see it. I have no doubts that he is in the right place too. I do not doubt that this is making us both stronger, wiser people (at least, I really, really hope it is).

In the end, I am always grateful just to have him in my life, because my life is just better with him in it. It's that simple, really.