Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Eternal Afternoon

There are afternoons when time seems to stand still. Perhaps, rather, there are afternoons where time does not seem to matter. Seeing the sun through dying leaves of gold and green, the branches perfectly outlined against the deep blue of an autumn sky... that is when the whole world seems to be moving past you. It has been more unsettling that I thought, coming home. However, the chance to sit quietly outside in good, sweet company for an afternoon was worth every other minute of the past few days.

It feels good to slow down now and then, just because time runs by so fast. I believe in hard work, I do. I have been working harder lately than I have in a long time. Space to breathe, though, is essential. Thank goodness for fall break. It has given me time to rest up, pull myself together, and get my dry cleaning done.

Funny thing is that home isn't quite what I thought. No; it isn't quite what I remember. It is still home for certain, and it feels good to see my family. Things have changed, though. Of course. I am realizing that I will never live here the way I did before. I'll always have one foot outside the door. That has been the trajectory of my life these past years, but it does feel a bit odd to experience it for the first time. I woke up in my childhood bedroom after the first night back and thought to myself, "This isn't really my room anymore. And this is how it's going to be from now on..."

So, time goes on, quite unaffected by my attempts to assimilate what's happening. I only know that I treasure those moments that seem to make time recede into the background. A warm fall afternoon will do that without fail.

So please, go sit out under a tree if you can.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


I think I can safely declare that the autumnal chill in the air has truly set in. It feels good. I love fall, I really do. I takes me by surprise every year. Then again, so does spring. I suppose the changing of the season is something that wakes you up a bit, makes you pay attention.
Other things I love:

My professors. Today I got an assignment back with the comment, "You rock like a very rocking thing." That made me laugh.

My guitar. I'm really no good, but when I sit by myself and play, I start to breathe differently, deeper, more relaxed. I need that.

Capoeira. Probably one of the most pretty martial arts around. Hopefully I'll be able to learn enough so that I look nice doing it too.

Being an English major. Seriously. I love it. Even when it's really, really hard. I am realizing that in includes all the things I love: reading, writing, AND arguing.

I'm pushing myself further than I ever have before. Yet, somehow, every time I think I can't go on, I manage. Perhaps it turns out that I am more capable than I thought. Often, a reprieve is granted. So. Life goes on.

(I still can't wait for fall break!)