Friday, April 30, 2010


There and back again. After a day of travel, I am back on British soil. Germany was blissful - everything was perfect. I realized all over again, with more force than ever, that I have a partner and a sweetheart who is also my best friend. I think that's what I miss the most when he's not around; I miss having my best friend with me. It was both harder and easier to say goodbye this time around. Now I am by myself again, and I have to settle back into this feeling.

It is good to be back in London, though. I feel an overwhelming sense of affection for England when I fly back from another European country. I just love it here, and (if I may hazard the opinion) I think I feel a kind of affinity for the British. I do appreciate them. I am here staying with family and my grandmother has flown out here to join me for the week. I am sure we are going to have a grand old time. We will spend time in London, and in Paris, and then it's back to the US for the first time in about four months. I'm not quite ready to process that yet. I am excited and apprehensive at the same time. The time has flown by, and yet I am starting to realize that this experience has changed me, probably in ways that I won't realize until I get home. I will say this: I can't wait to be reunited with my wardrobe. I am so tired of living out of a suitcase.

Well, I am off to bed. I am going to get cozy with a copy of Joyce's "Dubliners" and then hopefully fall asleep and not think about any of this for a few sweet hours.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Well, it turns out the volcano had mercy, and I am now in Germany. I am in heaven, not only because I am reunited with my boyfriend after almost three months of separation, but also because the Germans seem to be obsessed with chocolate. I could learn to love this country, I think.

In all seriousness now, I have to say that I am still in shock knowing my program is over. Over. On the other hand, I am so, so happy right now. This is a good way to transition, I think.

That is all for now. I am off to spend the day with my sweetheart.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Thanks a lot Eyjafjallajokull

The British are really onto something with this whole tea and biscuits thing. I am having both right now, as I write this, and it is easing the tight, anxious pain in my chest. What do you do when you've just botched what is possibly the dumbest test you've ever taken? Drink tea. What do you do when you're suddenly not sure if you'll be able to visit your boyfriend (who you haven't seen in nearly three months, and might not see again until June if the flight gets canceled)? Have a biscuit.

I am trying to stay calm. I know that, one way or another, everything will be okay. I know that I have no control over any of this now, and that I just have to wait and see. It's like I'm on a roller-coaster: I get nervous and worried, and then I talk myself down. Then something comes up, and I get nervous again, and I have to talk myself down all over again. It's exhausting. Add in the sudden emotion that everyone is feeling about having to say goodbye, and things get even worse. It's funny, because in this little London flat packed with 21 students we've all been irritating each other quite a bit. On the other hand, now that it's time to leave soon all the good times are coming back to us. You just can't go through this together and not bond in some way. Now, it's going to be hard to say goodbye and go our separate ways.

If we get to go our separate ways as planned, that is. If things get any worse, I'm falling back on the other British way of coping: the pub.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


The countdown continues. I've got about a week left until I fly for Germany. At least, if this volcanic ash doesn't interfere with my plans. We'll see. I am hopeful that by the time I need to fly, everything will have cleared up.

I shouldn't really be blogging. I should be writing my 3,000 word internship report, putting together a presentation to go with it, and finishing my short story. Then I have to study for a final exam.


Sadly, this internship report is dead boring. On the other hand, I'm having serious doubts about the quality of my fiction. Fortunately, I have stocks of tea and biscuits to help me through these troubling times. I have decided that I am going to eat as much as I want of the foods I'll miss when I go back home.

It's not really surprising, but it does seem that as soon as I have become comfortable in London and at my internship it is time to leave. I will miss this city. I will miss the people, miss the lifestyle and the energy. On the other hand, I won't miss living with 20 other people in one tiny flat. It's getting harder and harder to stay focused on the present with so much travel and transition in front of me. But. These papers won't right themselves. I'll try to write more later when I don't have them hanging over me.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Oh my

My goodness... am I down to two weeks now?

My blogging has been non-existent because life has been so jam-packed full of work, and school, and play, and company, and living. I also have not wanted to examine my feelings all to closely. It's easier to keep moving.

The next few weeks are going to be hard. I have two papers to write this weekend, and so much more after that. Life is good though. I have my aunt here to visit me (the chicago ant) and it has been divine. We have dined well, been to the theater (Private Lives, with Kim Cattrall and Matthew Macfayden), and wandered endlessly through the streets of London. It is so nice to have the perspective of someone who has taken a very twisted, yet delightful path through life. It gives me a renewed sense of faith, the feeling that everything will fall into place, even if it doesn't fall in according to my plan. Proof: I now have a job lined up for summer that I didn't think I was going to get.

It is hard to envision leaving this city. I will miss it, and yet I can't wait to be done... I can't wait to go to Germany and see my beloved, can't wait to bomb around London and Paris with my grandma, can't wait for summer classes and work... it's all very mixing and difficult, but at this moment I feel calm and very happy. Perhaps partly because it's Friday as well, but there you go.

P.S. I went to Oxford last weekend... it was sublime, a true pilgrimage.

(The Inklings pub)

(Christ Church College)

(Christ Church Meadow)