There are afternoons when time seems to stand still. Perhaps, rather, there are afternoons where time does not seem to matter. Seeing the sun through dying leaves of gold and green, the branches perfectly outlined against the deep blue of an autumn sky... that is when the whole world seems to be moving past you. It has been more unsettling that I thought, coming home. However, the chance to sit quietly outside in good, sweet company for an afternoon was worth every other minute of the past few days.
It feels good to slow down now and then, just because time runs by so fast. I believe in hard work, I do. I have been working harder lately than I have in a long time. Space to breathe, though, is essential. Thank goodness for fall break. It has given me time to rest up, pull myself together, and get my dry cleaning done.
Funny thing is that home isn't quite what I thought. No; it isn't quite what I remember. It is still home for certain, and it feels good to see my family. Things have changed, though. Of course. I am realizing that I will never live here the way I did before. I'll always have one foot outside the door. That has been the trajectory of my life these past years, but it does feel a bit odd to experience it for the first time. I woke up in my childhood bedroom after the first night back and thought to myself, "This isn't really my room anymore. And this is how it's going to be from now on..."
So, time goes on, quite unaffected by my attempts to assimilate what's happening. I only know that I treasure those moments that seem to make time recede into the background. A warm fall afternoon will do that without fail.
So please, go sit out under a tree if you can.
1 comment:
You have touched on a common thread for all of us. In everyone's life, we all realize that 'this isn't our room anymore', the place we can retreat to and feel safe. It disipates and exisits only in our memories, as we venture out into the great unknown. It is one of our foundatins.
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