Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Please Insert Clever Title Here

It's funny how the pace of life just sweeps me up, and I hardly notice the days pass. Occasionally, it does surprise me when I look at the clock and realize the day is near over. Depending on the day, that can cause a little panic because everything seems to take longer than anticipated, doesn't it? There is just no enough time to get it all done.

They (you know, them) always tell you to "get involved" at college. I've made a few stabs at serious extra-curriculars, but nothing seems to work out. I now wonder if it's such a problem that, after I've poured so much energy into my classwork, I just want to chill out.

I hate having to say hard things to people. Hard things to me count as things that I think might disappoint the other person. I just want everyone to be happy... even though honesty is ultimately a better policy. Honest to others, honest to myself. Honest about what makes me spark, what makes me happy, what makes me feel passionate and excited. It might be completely weird that I'm excited by learning rhetoric, or reading British Literature, or all those other things. But I am thinking that those things should come first. It's just difficult in practice to put what I want above what others might ask of me. And that is not even getting into how much I worry about what other people think of me. (Yikes.) What surprises me most, though, is when people see things in me that I don't always see. Like beauty, for instance. Or smarts. Or strength. That discrepancy is occasionally thrown in my face, and it still confuses me. (Note: I am not compliment fishing. I really think that everyone experiences some form of this feeling...)

So. Looking back on all that, I'm not sure that any of it made sense. My thoughts are more than a little scattered. However, there they are. I have nothing better at the moment. Except this: go read some Edmund Burke out loud to your friends. It will have everyone laughing out loud. Trust me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Back In Black (sort of)

So, I am back. It feels a little strange to settle back in... the campus feels so familiar and so new at the same time. I can hear people moving in the hallway, and there is a faint strain of piano coming from the lounge downstairs. I can name a few people who might be down there, striking away at the old thing. It is very interesting to come back and see all the familiar faces after a month home on the farm. I am oddly lonely, as my roommate is not back yet. End of last semester, all I could think about was being alone. Now this room feels too quiet. I am even considering turning on the TV for company. I am going to try and enjoy my homework-free evening for the next, oh, four months or so. Now that I am finally here, though, I am raring to go. I am so excited about my classes this semester. There is a kind of expectancy in the air, we are all waiting for things to get rolling. I, for one, have a very good feeling about the next few months. Very good.

A feeling I will try to hold onto when I get up for my early class tomorrow morning...

Friday, January 9, 2009


I should be packing. It is once again time to gather all my things and move... I am getting used to it, I think, this regular shifting of location and the stuff that shifts with me. Thanks to Christmas I will being going back to school with a few new books, clothes, and a new set of cookware. (I am VERY excited about not having to beg and borrow when I feel like doing a little cooking in the dorm kitchen, I must say.) My life seems to be contained in the amount of stuff that fills up my half of the room...

These transitions are always unsettling to me. Switching lives, switching roles. When I think about it, my life seems to be contained more in my relationships than my things... daughter, sister, friend, sweetheart, student, teacher. It can take a little time to shift between those, I find. I am both anxious and excited for this semester. I bought myself a new journal today, with a fine embossed leather cover. Quite unusual for me, because I have always felt intimidated by fine journals. This one feels right, though. I am anxious to start in on it. It is good to start a new year and a new semester with a new journal, don't you think?

Oh. I should be packing. It is hard, because it is reminding me of the friends I've just said goodbye to for another semester, and another friend who won't be coming back to Guilford... it is hard. However, I have much to look forward to as well.

At any rate, come Sunday I will be back at school no matter how I feel about it. So, that is that.