I'm afraid I've hit one of those slightly frightening dry spells with my writing - I am either all apathy or at a total loss for anything to say. My senses have been burned out; I feel incapable of noticing things in the way that being a writer requires you to notice things and I have the lost the energy required to articulate such things anyway... Anything I do write comes out something like a whine... "This is bothering me, I don't like that, I'm so frustrated, I can't stop worrying about getting all that done." Where is all this coming from? It is practically summer. Summer! Summer is what I pined for all those weeks, and now... Some days are joy (thanks to some people), but some days I wake up and wonder what the point of my day is. I wanted to be able to write an ode to summer: hot, dreamy, careless summer... When in fact summer is turning out to be a strange interlude in between the old and the new, and I don't know what to make of it. I am still adjusting to having genuine free time and it is (quite unexpectedly) unnerving me. It seems I have to relearn how to relax. Not only that, but one minute I feel unwilling to let go of the life I have now, and the next minute I am chomping at the bit to move out, so ready to be at my new school, living on my own... It's a strange place to be.
I can say this, though: summer is looking a little shorter than I anticipated. That, however, makes me all the more determined to make it worth every minute if I can. I will work out the kinks as best I can, spend as much time as I can with the people I love, and try as best I can to relax a little and go with the flow.
Easier said than done, but perhaps saying it is the first step.
2 comments:
Dry spell?...and there are all these lovely elements of an "ode to summer" just pushing up through your blog waiting to grow and be picked! Just love how your write so beautifully about your frustrated attempts to write. Keep flowing...and perhaps your flow will be taking you North? Email me if you have a vague plan...perhaps there can be coordinates set.
Chicago Ant
dear beautiful, as one who not often but just recently suffered serious dry hacking cough, i say the first step is what you just did: just keep the pen moving. okay, so make that the keyboard. sometimes when we say out loud that we are stuck, it unsticks us. we will wait till your well feels full enough to write. we are patient. we know what's coming........
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