Wednesday, February 11, 2009

When Reality Hits

I am sitting here singing as loud as I can along with my stereo when I should be doing research. There is always something to be doing, but singing really does provide such a good release of emotion... I have been trying to do little things to soothe my soul today. Like singing loudly, and doing laundry (clean laundry is so satisfying), knitting, and wearing sandals because the weather is inexplicably warm enough to do so today...

Foiled expectations can be very hard to deal with. Some aspects of this semester have that ring to them - things are not exactly what I thought or hoped they would be. I remind myself that getting hit in the face with reality is a very good learning experience. I mean, you have to be able to recognize when things are not going as planned and adjust accordingly, right?
It is still painful, though. Some things more so than others. Changing course early on in a research project - not that big of a deal. Realizing that the art class you were so excited about is actually kind of sucky? Slightly harder to adjust to. I can tell you that an Art minor is definitely out for me. Hello, European History. Rocky and changing relationships - even harder to deal with. With my 20th birthday only a few days away, I feel that I need to be mature. I cannot blame immature actions on being, let's say, 16 anymore. No. Problem is, I still don't know what the right to do is. I feel that I should maybe have a few more answers than I do, but I don't. I just want to do right by everybody, including myself. That is not always easy...

Fortunately, a few things are far, far better than I could have ever expected. Some relationships just keep getting stronger and some classes do not disappoint.

Also: I had the opportunity of lifetime last night. I sat about 10 feet away from a stage with Salman Rushdie on it, and listened to him wax philosophical for nearly an hour. It was amazing. He is really funny, did you know that? And he scratches his beard when thinking about what to say. I was enchanted.

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