Aftermath

So. Things never run too smoothly for long, do they? Bumps always appear in the road, sometimes deeps cracks, and occasionally yawning chasms with dragons at the bottom...

Perhaps the last one is an exaggeration. I have fallen down no yawning chasms lately. I think I have a tendency to create unrealistic consequences for failing to live up to my unrealistic expectations. Sometimes it takes running into a brick wall to realize that you need a change in thinking. Sometimes it takes an epic crash and burn to see that your emotions are valid, and that, instead of fruitlessly trying to change yourself, something else needs to give.

What am I babbling about? Well, after own my epic crash and burn, after weeks of feeling depressed and overwhelmed and out-of-control, I dropped a class. I, the Dean's List, anal-about-homework-and-grades, devoted, over-achieving student, dropped a class. I still have enough credits to be considered a full-time student, so no worries there. I am still in shock, though. I've never had to drop a class before. Ever. I didn't want to do it. On the other hand, I wanted nothing more than to do it. I made the decision with the support of my adviser, and my parents, and everyone else who loves me. Now, I am exhausted, sick, and tired, left with the aftermath of the burn out.

Sometimes, though, we (certainly I) need a less-than-subtle sign that something has to change... Maybe the important part isn't dropping the class, but knowing when to bend... it's better than stubbornly and blindly digging oneself into a hole, isn't it? Sometimes the signs need to be big, and disruptive, and sucky. That is what I think. These past days have been difficult, but it's easier to deal with hardship when you know it's getting you back out of the hole, instead of taking you deeper in.

Plus, January and February and March generally suck anyway.