I am feeling lazy and oh so tired. I am waiting for the last vestiges of infection to leave my body. I'm getting impatient. I just want to feel like a normal person again.
Summer seems to play with my sense of time. Some days fly by and I can't even remember what I did. Some days drag by. Sometimes time seems to stand still. It stands still in those rare moments when I stop trying to fill up every minute. Once and a while I get to lie down and look at the sky, watching the sun fade away and the stars come out. Summer is so rich in the way that it sounds and smells... lying outside reminds me of last summer. How anxious I was!
I still feel anxious, yet for entirely different reasons. I am anxious about money and work. I am anxious about everything that I need to get done. I am so impatient to get back to school. At the same time, I think I have reached a level of contentment here. I am finally settled, I think. Home feels like home, and it feels good to be here. Work is hard, but I am becoming comfortable there too. Last night I spent an hour talking to one of the instructors, a man half my age and from a different country. Tae Kwon Do has the ability to bring a diverse group of people together, and I am grateful for that. I cannot help but feel that my life would be different without the people I have known in Tae Kwon Do; young and old, from America and India and Korea. I am astounded at the connections that can be made, even with language barriers and cultural differences. Even when they pass in and out of my life very quickly, the experience is somehow transformative.
And so the days pass, one after another. Another day another ten cents. I am so bad at being in the moment, but I am working on it.
THE summer sun shone round me,
The folded valley lay
In a stream of sun and odour,
That sultry summer day.
The tall trees stood in the sunlight
As still as still could be,
But the deep grass sighed and rustled
And bowed and beckoned me.
The deep grass moved and whispered
And bowed and brushed my face.
It whispered in the sunshine:
"The winter comes apace."
- Robert Louis Stevenson
3 comments:
feel better, ivy...less sick...less anxious. you deserve it!
I too am getting over some sort of bug that hung around for about 2 weeks and refused to leave my respiratory system. It sort of reminded me that as we get older it takes longer to bounce back.
You will find that as you get older, all that desire to rush and get things done, fades back to just wanting to appreciate what is around us. Now a days, it pains me to have to rush around anywhere, it just isn't worth it.
I feel the same way about how summer presents itself. It's like a rare vortex in time and space. I too look forward to school starting and seeing your smiling face again :D
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