Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Resistance

As much as I love to learn, I also hate the process sometimes ... I like learning new things, but learning new processes, new ways to think about things, new approaches is tricky and we (I) don't always see that as learning.

Let me be specific. In my senior seminar, one of the most important "learning outcomes" is, according to the prof, to learn how to conduct independent study and research. That sounds straightforward, but it's very difficult because independent study means working without prompts, without rules, without an imposed structure. Structure becomes something you define for yourself, for the needs of the project. There are guiding principles, important ones; otherwise the paper would end up un-readable. I spent the whole afternoon yesterday spinning wheels, getting hung up on how to structure my mid-term paper, where to hang all the shiny baubles of thought that I haven't even articulated yet. I feel like I wasted all that time and have nothing to show for it, and now have even less time to get the paper done. I hate not having a prompt to follow, a way of knowing if I'm getting it right.

On the other hand, I'm trying to see yesterday as a part of my learning process, a process not of acquiring new information, but one of "well, that approach didn't work ... what do I do now?" I am trying very hard to cut myself some slack and realize that perhaps learning how to approach this kind of paper is important and valuable in of itself. That learning for myself which strategies are most effective when I'm working without an imposed structure is perhaps the most important lesson I could take away from this class, no matter how frustrating or scary that is. After all, how do you grade that kind of learning?

I've decided to start again using the concept of the one-inch picture frame. Mostly I wish I wasn't so burned out. Every time I try to work I end up with a headache and a stomach ache.
Urg.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It sort of sounds like learning to drive when you really just want to be buzzing along the highway and stopping at wonderful places. Driving and writing are skills so do some "art of motorcycle maintenance" and fall into it that process and see if you can breathe deep and get into the learning curve. Your paper will be just lovely...because that is how you do things!
Chicago Ant....struggling with her own learning curves.
;) It never really ends you know...so giggle a bit. Oh and then think about Aunt Deeda...college super senior.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it's when the head hurts and the stomach cramps that you know have the growing pangs. It's the hardest work there is, and you are right to understand the pangs are usually connected to an important lesson. Later on, when there is some thing to be done, but there is no structure, because no one has ever done it before, or the way it was done before was missing something important, and You have to make it up; (imagine what it must have like to write "House of Leaves"), only you will be able to decide what works and what doesn't. And You will be the expert, and there won't be a boss, or teacher that can tell you different, (or if they do, argue with them!)...chops