Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Have I found you, flightless bird?

It's funny how quickly determination and confidence can melt into anxiety and fear of failure. I can resolve to steel myself against the pressure cooker of tackling a story for the newspaper on adderall abuse, but being in the middle of it with a deadline approaching is another thing. An approaching history paper and a trip to immigration services on Friday morning also doesn't help.

It's all muddle. I am aware of my need to cope with stress because it won't resolve itself. Yet, I feel like I can't get a good night's sleep and my stomach hurts every time I eat. I fight with my boyfriend, and I wonder why my best friend is acting upset with me again, and I feel bad about not making time for everyone and everything. Yet... I don't feel quite as out of control as I have in the past. Maybe the lesson is that you should stop fooling yourself and understand that you'll just make it though ... because sometimes that's all there is TO do. I've stopped hoping for things to suddenly much easier, and I'm trying to settle in and focus on what's most important to me. Translated into today, that would mean playing some guitar to relax, making some tea and settling into my armchair to get down to business on this article.

It is a very gloomy day, cold, foggy, and wet. As my favorite professor once said, "I love this kind of weather because it give me an excuse to do the things I always want to do, like curl up with a blanket and read." I agree with that statement. What else is there to do but settle in and write on a day like this? Only one thing: listen to Iron and Wine while you do it.

1 comment:

KCBW said...

I love you like I love Iron and Wine. That's a hell of a lot by the way. <3