Why, I wonder, does the search for someone to love, and be loved by, consume so many of us? There is a great a deal to life, but so much energy is focused upon on one, very specific kind of love. Some might consider it foolish even to ask. But I wonder. Especially after the bumps and bruises a heart must sustain.
My mind spins back to the same thing no matter what I do, almost as if I crave the very thinking about romance. I study, and work, and play, and have long phone conversations with friends. Still I think about it, in quiet hours when I am unoccupied.
I know it's not just me. Books, movies, music, and poetry. E-harmony, and Valentines Day, and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Annoying, pitying waiters and relatives. Advice columns. We can't help it, can we? Is it really so epic as we think? I don't know, and I'm in no position to judge.
Where am I going with this? I forgot. I think I had some conclusion, but I lost it. Whatever it was. Boys are dumb? I like them too much anyway. I enjoy many of the freedoms that come from singledom? That's not a lie. But... I can't say that pair of blue eyes wouldn't convince me otherwise. There's more to life? That there is. But that doesn't make the full cure.
I've hesitated to write about the subject, for fear of appearing naive. Appear naive? I am naive. Absolutely so. But maybe that is not such a bad place to be? Because once it's gone, it's gone...
I just want you to know, I am not boy crazy. I simply write about the things that confuse me the most. This is up there on the list right now. Looking at this entry, I still can't say exactly what I want to say. But I am trying to value my thoughts simply because they are mine. I suppose I must simply be patient with myself, and life.
I HATE being patient.
3 comments:
Just a note on this. Whey are folks always searching for love. I suppose a certain amount of it is anxiety and the fear of being alone.
Those that seek happiness through someone else usually fail. Happiness lays within, not through someone else. Loving yourself, loving nature, loving the little intricicies of the human experience, is what leads to finding love in someone else.
Sadly, as a nation, we don't tend to 'teach' this to our youth as we grow up. We teach them how to love that new Hummer and love the way Angelina Jolie looks....the end result is a pretty loveless society.
That's a good point... I also think that many young people have a tendency (because we don't know who we are yet) to look for definition and validation through a relationship with someone else... when really we just need to love the "self" that is emerging out of all this growing up.
ahh,,,but love is the most natural transition at all ages...to connect with other. It is in relationship that we find self. It is not just validation, but an outward expression of self. At each maturing moment the connection matures and becomes more complex - just like us. Of course it is new and uncomfortable, but again, so are we with our continuing relationship to our selves. Don't over analyze...just move into the deeper waters and get comfortable and uncomfortable. It is the learning of new skills that allows us to swim...scary as it can be sometimes. Chicago Ant who has been swimming in deep waters a long time....floundering for sure at times, but loving it all the same.
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