Love/Hate

I swear, every time I sit down to write something - and it could be anything: an English paper, a story, a letter... - most days when I sit down to write it seems impossible that I'm going to get the words to appear. The magic just is not going to work this time, because I won't be able to think of anything. At all. So I sit at my desk and try to pull my hair out as I mull over whatever it is in frustration, because the blank page is just sitting there and I know I have to fill it up. But with what? And none of this would really be a problem, except for that deadline... it just gets closer and closer.

So, the hair pulling continues and eventually out of sheer desperation I write whatever crap floats to the top of my brain pan, and it is horrible, but then I look at it and think, "Well, there might be something there." Then I clean it up, make it sound smart, and feel relieved to be done if nothing else. I might even feel accomplished and pleased with the result on a good night.

Now, WHY do I love writing so much? Because the process is not nice and neat for anybody (and if it is for you, then I hate you). Really, I love it because no matter how difficult it is, words always spill out eventually, and those moments of "aha!" are so sublime. I love it when after much writing, re-writing, and re-arranging, a piece justs fits together. It's just beautiful.
And as for deadlines, I would get absolutely nothing done without them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a paper to work on. (Surprise. I am not above procrastination, my friends, as you've just witnessed.) But everyone needs a break from all the hair pulling and teeth gnashing at some point, deadline or no deadline.

More later.