I was going to bake something just now; some nice scones, perhaps. Anything to keep my hands busy and my mind at ease. Nothing satisfies that quite like baking for me. I bake to get rid of anxiety, and confusion, and general restlessness and dissatisfaction. My plans tonight were foiled by the fact that there is nothing either in our refrigerator or cupboards. Actually, I had most everything I need except... eggs. Curses.
So, since I have set aside what is left of my Spanish homework for now, I have nothing to do but sit here and type my own self-indulgent thoughts.
I don't know why I always try to classify a week as good or bad. It's always a mix. And then there are some things that don't seem to fit in either category. There should be a third: confusing. Some things I can't explain here, just because I don't want some people to get the wrong idea. But an element has entered into a friendship that has kind of thrown me off... I have no idea how to treat it. It also has stirred up a number of thoughts and memories that are not very comfortable. Add to that frustrating dreams and an inability to make up my mind.
On the other hand, I always seem to let my mind get bogged down and tied up in the things that are bothering me no matter how much good I have going. I am in the very process of applying to transfer out of community college. That is exciting. My birthday is next week. In exactly one week, I will have exactly only one year left of my "teens." That's kind of exciting too.
I have forgotten the point of this. What am I trying to leave you with?
Here: Maybe our expectations are the problem. Think about it.
2 comments:
funny thing is, sixteen candles was on tonight. sweeeet. I'd actually never seen it before---or any of m. ringwalds movies (pretty in pink, breakfast club). but now I'll have too...hopefully with someone who can appreciate them, though, not just with my cat on the couch =)
You are right, your expectations are the problem....or at least the source of your problems. Try and envision this. You live in the wilderness, where your only goal is finding enough food to live and wood for heat at night......if those are your ONLY expectations, those are your only worries, and life gets a whole lot simpler. Now look at the world you actually live in.........big difference.
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